Grace full mama

I haven’t been writing here in the last little while because I am trying my writing hand at a book! I am really enjoying the process so far, but I am finding it hard to keep up momentum, so if you are reading this, please pray for inspiration! I truly feel like this is something that God is leading me to and I’m excited to someday finish it.

In the meantime, I miss writing these little blurbs, so here I am! God has done something really big for me in the past month. Ever since reading a few of Bob Goff’s books, I have been wondering, ‘what is my purpose?’ What is it that really and truly lights my soul up? Everyone has giftings. One of mine, I think, is words; and they often come to me in person on the spot, meant for someone standing in front of me. Speaking those words takes a little more courage when it’s someone standing right in front of you!

I am here at our fishing lodge. The place is transformed spiritually from a few years ago. The cabins still boast mid 70’s painted wood panelling, but this place has been prayed over, worshipped in, committed to God, and consecrated over and over since 2018. As a small statement, we put a little Jesus fish on the bottom of our welcome sign. This place is about Jesus. And here I am, cooking, ministering to people, being the camp mom to all ages. We have people who are rebellious about God… wanting him with something so deeply buried that it brings up a lot of… ‘stuff,’ like seaweed on a fish, when they are confronted with his presence. We have believers who fill the place with their fragrance. We have struggling young couples who need wisdom. We have alcoholics who drink to forget that there is a God, and he loves them, and one day they will stand before him. People bring with them so much pain and so much beauty.

When I was little, I loved people. I especially loved broken people. They were drawn to me from the time I was very small. I befriended the old men who had been snarky and grouchy for forever. I remember leading friends to Jesus in my early teens, after hours of hearing their brokeness and explaining how God loved them. I loved people. I didn’t necessarily like them, but I loved them, seeing the gem that was buried somewhere deep inside.

And then, the world swooped in. Friendships were lost, a marriage was trashed, people said mean things; and I listened to the words from the enemy. ‘This just hurts too much. You don’t like people. People have ruined that for you. Build walls. Build cannons. Life is about protecting yourself.’ You see… Satan will always attack you in your gifting. If he can neutralise your threat to his kingdom of darkness, he has won. He will find your purpose and that is exactly where he will stage his strategic attack.

‘God. Show me my purpose.’ Well. Now I am a little older. I love getting older, because wisdom grows both in depth and credibility. My purpose has grown in depth too. I still love people. I know that they are going to do hurtful things, but if loving people is my PURPOSE and not just my PERSONALITY, it doesn’t matter. Let them. And let God. I am not loving people for the purpose of making friends. I am loving them because that is my purpose from God. It is about him. It is because he loves them. Not because they might be nice to me.

Circle back to being good with words. This past bit at the lodge I have had all kinds walk in my doors. God has given me words to say to them. Questions to ask. Words that are deeply probing but that come from a place of the father’s love. It feels scary. What if this person is offended, or never comes back?

Who cares?

If I skid through this life without saying the things that Jesus is clearly impressing on me to say, I make no impact. I do not invest my talents. I don’t pass go and collect $200. If I am able to turn even one heart towards Jesus, then I have succeeded. That is my purpose. This business, people liking me, none of it matters. What matters is that Jesus is spoken, here in this mission field I have often been guilty of resenting.

So. If you come to this lodge, I will have worship music playing softly in the background. I am going to talk about God like he is real and my best friend whether you are christian or athiest. I am going to tell you that God is good. I might ask a couple questions. If Holy Spirit says ‘say this,’ I am going to say it. This is my mission field. My purpose here is eternal!

If you are in a time of great attack… look for the lies. They just might be covering up your purpose.