Grace full mama

Have you heard of the new phenomenon known as “DINKS?” It stands for Dual Income No Kids, and it stands for people who choose not to have kids, ever. Now. I understand that everyone has a right to choose their path in life, and maybe there are some people who were truly not cut out to have kids. I don’t know, that is between them and God. It seems like the “DINK” lifestyle and the videos that have been made purporting said lifestyle have really rattled some chains, and there are some awful retaliation videos and comments. I am not writing here to add to those. I am just wanting to offer the perspective of a mama of 4, soon to be 5.

The videos I watched didn’t disturb me so much as they made me incredibly sad. Grieved right down to my bones for a generation that has given into self indulgence on a huge level. The videos showed couples explaining why they loved being DINKs, and essentially defending their lifestyle. They said things like ” We are DINKS, we can buy all the snacks we want at Costco and not have to share. We are DINKS, we can order the appetisers and dessert. We are DINKS, we can sleep in on weekends. We are DINKS, we don’t need to ask our parents for financial support.” Other reasons they saw themselves as superior to their child raising fellow humans were, ” We still do it three times a week, we can work out on the weekends, we can afford to travel, we get 8 hours of sleep a night.” The list goes on, and it doesn’t get any more deep than that.

So, firstly, allow me to debunk a little of this for any DINKS who might happen to very accidentally stumble across my page. My friends, you can do all that stuff and have kids too. Yep. I hate to break it to you but you are not making any records. In my experience, God is the one who owns the storehouses of heaven. All provision is his. It’s probably a very odd concept to you, but bear with me. I have discovered time and time again that when I trust God with my finances and give where he wants me to, and obey him, and don’t hoard my treasures on earth like they are all I will leave behind, he miraculously replaces my funds and then some. My husband and I just went for an awesome Italian supper. We even had an appetizer. But, because we both appreciate our waistlines and still work out on weekdays and weekends, we skipped dessert. You can have all the “stuff,” not ask your parents for financial support, and leave behind a legacy in your children. So. We are clear on that, right? Nothing that was mentioned is mutually exclusive to a child free lifestyle.

There are an awful lot of things that are the other way around though. There are a million things which are mutually exclusive with having and raising children. Those things are deep and rich, and lasting. They are not frivolous and self indulgent. They are the difference between gargling with salt water and swimming in the ocean.

Without children, you will never have that feeling of first meeting your brand new child. Everything in your body waits for that first cry, and then you look at them, those perfect tiny fingers and toes, those eyes that look for you, that cupid bow mouth that is impossibly beautiful. Let me tell you, until you have experienced that, you have never really felt love. This is deep. This is lasting and real and beautiful and will take your whole soul over. Your heart explodes and expands, and you never want that little person to leave your arms.

Without having children you will never see the way your husband softens and is overcome, you will never get to watch him go from a husband to a dad, and see his incredible growth as a human and a man of God through that journey. You won’t hear your child say your name for the first time, or call for you when they are hurt and you are the only one who can fix it, miraculously, just because you love them. You won’t hear them pray for the first time and love them so much your heart hurts because it can’t hold that much love earth side. Without children, you won’t experience the true joy of Christmas, baking with them, watching their anticipation, and finding out that giving is infinity times more incredible than receiving. We will never have an empty Christmas. Our table will always be full of laughter and joy. Our game nights require no guests. As your children grow they become the people who “get”you the most. Your tribe. They know your inside jokes, and they will defend you at all costs and against all foes. They are truly arrows in your quiver.

Children are our inheritance from the Lord. They are our legacy. They are the only thing that will be left behind on this earth and actually matter after you are gone.

There are those, of course, who cannot have children. My heart breaks for them, I can’t imagine the pain; But I know many of those beautiful people parent the fatherless, and leave their legacy and mark in unique ways on children who do not share their DNA. That is equally meaningful.

Have you ever heard the story of Jacob and Esau? They were twins, born to Isaac and Rebekah. Esau was the firstborn, and Jacob came shortly after. When they were young men, Esau came home from an unsuccessful hunt. He was hungry, all he could think about was filling his belly. He traded his birthright as the eldest son to Jacob for a bowl of soup.

I am afraid this generation is trading their birthright to the enemy for suppers on the town, and all the Costco snacks. My friends, there are things that last, and are meaningful. They are worth the inconvenience and the subsequent growth that inconvenience creates. Don’t trade your legacy for appetisers and desserts. Walk into the meaningful life that God has prepared for you.