Grace full mama

Have you ever started your fitness or weight loss journey with a bang? You know, done absolutely fantastic! You ate all the protein and veggies, you did your cardio, you even lifted weights. Your momentum was like a loaded freight train rushing down a mountain; but then you hit the bottom. Your body didn’t look a whole lot different yet. Discouragement slowly slipped over you like a misty fog in the morning. It gave birth to complacency. Something in your heart hardened to the hope that you could make a difference after all, and, patience and hope depleted, you ended up right back where you started.

I think this is the human experience. The flesh at work. (At least I hope it isn’t just me!) It happens in our faith constantly. We have a “mountain top experience,” feeling Holy Spirit pulsing through our veins like something so much stronger than heady wine. We feel changed, cleansed, close to him. We soak it in, because those mountain top experiences are a tiny piece of heaven. That is exactly what we were created for. Eden was one huge mountain top full of Holy Spirit encounters that Adam and Eve could see, taste, and feel.

“We inwardly sigh as we live in these physical tents, longing to put on a new body for our life in heaven.” 2 Corinthians 5:2

“But we are a colony of heaven on earth as we cling tightly to our Life-Giver, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Philippians 3:20

But then we fell. Our faith journey with Jesus started to feel like Moses, climbing the mountain to talk with God, and then coming back down to real life and real problems that stole the feeling of holiness as fast as a weasel scarfs down a baby chick. We go through a pattern of desperately trying to be close to Jesus by finding the perfect formula to fit “enough” of him into our day. How long do we need to pray to stay free? How many scriptures do we need to read to have wisdom seep out of us when we need it?

What a dangerous game we play.

“I long to drink of you, O God, drinking deeply from the streams of pleasure flowing from your presence. My longings overwhelm me for more of you! My soul thirsts, pants, and longs for the living God.” Psalm 42:1-2

“When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you. If you seek me with all your heart and soul, I will make sure you find me.” Jeremiah 29:13

I don’t see anything there about the formula for living the life we choose for ourselves and still having the Holy Spirit descend on us in our every moment. I don’t see anything about fitting a small prayer time into the end of our day and being frustrated that God didn’t show up the way we hoped he would. There is nothing there about waiting for the perfect time, for the right person to pray with us, for the right percentage of our day to devote to God so that he will be close to us and bless us. There isn’t anything there about feeling sorry for ourselves that we don’t hear his wisdom, or his voice.

What I see in these scriptures is desperation. Dying of thirst and longing for cold, clear mountain water desperation. The kind of desperation a lover feels. The kind of devotion that spreads itself over every mundane moment, turning small daily tasks like sweeping the floor into an act of worship.

This faith thing doesn’t have any half measures.

I have talked with a few people who have wondered how they stay free? How do you keep that feeling of closeness with God, that is laced with peace that passes understanding? I think I have found the answer.

Sell out.

Maybe, for some of us, those words have lost their punch. Here is what they really mean.

Absolutely nothing can be more important than your longing for more Jesus. It should permeate everything you do. It should splash out of you onto the people around you. His is the only approval that matters. His kingdom is the only kingdom that matters. Nothing is too bold, too much, too over the top… you just want to be enveloped in him. If you don’t pursue that kind of devotion, your faith is a hobby, and it will yield hobby type fruit. But God promises that we will find him when we seek him with our whole heart.

How do we seek him with our whole heart? We ask him. We ask him to help us to be even more desperate for him. We tell him we want to be walking so close to him that we breathe in the dust he kicks up from his sandals. We fill our lamps daily with oil. We give him our desires, and ask him to give us his heart. We do the daily things, asking for our daily bread. We worship him in adoration. We surrender to him. We pick up the sword and fight the demons that try to divert us off this straight and steep path. We surrender. We fast. We confess. We seek. We pray constantly, about everything. We do it when we feel like it. We do it when we feel blocked. We don’t stop.

Like the desperate father bringing his son before Jesus in Mark 9, we tell Jesus about our limitations. “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!”

“Lord give me a heart that longs for you. Replace my heart of stone with a heart of flesh. Transform me until I look like you.”

Just like with our fitness journey, it is the daily things we do that make the difference. It is the consistency. We can’t keep that ice cream addiction and expect the results that we want. We have to sell out.

The world needs people who are sold out for Jesus. Be one.