Grace full mama

Over my almost 16 years as a mother, I have had the privilege of reading many parenting books. I always opt for Christ centered books, and there are a wide variety that all offer something really, truly helpful. The classic, “What the Bible says about Child Training,” by J Richard Fugate,  was probably the first I have read. It is somewhat similar to “Don’t make me count to three” by Ginger Hubbard. I have read a few wonderful Sally Clarkson books. “Raising Spirit Led Kids” by Seth Dahl is a little different take on parenting and dives deeper into hearing Holy Spirit about what our kids need. “M is for Mama” by Abbie Halberstadt is a challenging and often hilarious read. Each of these books inspire me and add a new dimension to my child raising knowledge.

I remember being a brand new mom, Just into the part of the parenting game when it starts to get hard. I had a two year old and a ten month old who had both found their wills, and I was desperate for help. I drank up anything I could find to give me wisdom, and in those first years the baby and bathwater all got kept. I am thankful that now I can tell the difference, for my life and my journey. I have some of my own wisdom to use to temper the advice that I find in these books, choosing what fits my journey and throwing out what doesn’t.

Certain parenting books include a lot of proverbs and usually include the verse “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15. This is usually used as proof that we need to spank our children. I started out spanking a fair bit when my first children became rebellious. I still believe there is a place for swats on the bum, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sure that is what was meant by that verse. You see, as I have gotten to know Jesus, both in person and through his word, I have learned that he loves to use metaphor and story. His first response is always grace. He found a way to get to the heart of the matter.

I suppose my point is, no matter how many amazing parenting books we read, the bible itself is still our ultimate child manual. The problem is sometimes as mamas, we need to read it with seeking eyes and ears. There is very little in the new testament that speaks directly to mothers about how to raise their children. Perhaps that is why we go back to proverbs for wisdom; and goodness, there is wisdom there. But when I have been at my darkest… in my deepest pits, it has been Jesus being… well, Jesus, that lifted me out. That incredible experience made me say “Jesus… I want to mama like YOU.”

What can we learn from the way that Jesus patiently and tenderly taught his disciples? Everything.

Jesus used examples and stories to get to the heart of his disciples. Instead of berating them, he found a way to make them think and get to the heart of the matter. In Luke chapter 7, we see the beautiful story of the prostitute who came to Jesus and washed his feet with the most expensive perfume. She was a broken woman, sobbing her heart out as she rinsed his feet in her tears and dried them with her hair. As Jesus’ disciple Simeon saw this, he judged the woman, as many of us would have done. After all, she was the lowest of the low. She was a prostitute. In his mind, she should be nowhere near his messiah, let alone be the one touching him!

Jesus didn’t rebuke Simeon for his pride and judgement. Instead he told him a story.

“Jesus said, ‘Simeon, I have a word for you.‘ ‘Go ahead, teacher, I want to hear it,’ he answered. ‘It is a story about two men who were deeply in deby. One owed the bank one hundred thousand dollars, and the other only owed ten thousand dollars. When it was obvious that neither of them would be able to pay their debts, the kind banker graciously wrote off the debts and forgave them all that they owed. Tell me, Simeon, which of the two debtors would be more thankful? Which one would love the banker most?’ Simeon answered ‘I suppose it would be the one with the greater debt forgiven.’ ‘You’re right,’ Jesus agreed. Then he spoke to Simeon about the woman still weeping at his feet. ‘Do you see this woman kneeling here?She is doing for me what you didn’t bother to do. When I entered your home as your guest, you didn’t think about offering me water to wash the dust off my feet. Yet she came into your home and washed my feet with her many tears and then dried my feet with her hair. You didn’t even welcome me into your home with the customary kiss of greeting, but from the moment she came in she has not stopped kissing my feet. You didn’t take the time to anoint my head with fragrant oil, but she anointed my head and feet with the finest perfume. She has been forgiven all of her many sins. This is why she has shown me such extravagant love. But those who assume they have very little to be forgiven for will love me very little.” Luke 7:40-47

I could write half a million blog posts on the beauty of that story. Jesus’ grace and mercy. All of it. But for today, I want to notice the way Jesus disciples Simeon, because I can learn from it as a mama. It is a blueprint for how to parent my kids.

Sometimes you just can’t go at the problem head on with irritation, the way our humanness tells us to go about it. If my kids are purposely irritating each other and hurling insults, my knee jerk reaction is to be the loudest yeller in the room and shut them up! That behaviour is not okay! But gosh, I want to be like Jesus. I want to mama like Jesus. I want to listen to holy spirit and find a gentle way to cut right to the quick without hurting my kids… by causing them to think and seek for themselves.

My goal isn’t to raise perfect kids with perfect behaviour. Honestly, their behaviour should be one of my lower priorities, and something that is just a trickle down result of the true purpose of mamahood… which is to direct my kids to the heart of Jesus. One day, when they are out of my house and they are under attack, I want them to be able to sit down and access the healing power of Holy Spirit for themselves. I want them to have a heart that goes to him in the thick of the “hard,” in the deepest of the “dark,” and I want them to find freedom.

I am no veteran parent. I am still learning so much, through this journey and all the unique challenges I have faced with my kids. I do something every other day I need to apologise to them for, it seems. But I am far enough along in this journey of motherhood that I might be able to offer just a little bit of wisdom to take in, if it fits your mothering journey. My greatest advice to every mama is to study how Jesus discipled. There is wisdom in the old testament, of course, but it isn’t the same as watching the way that Jesus did it. There was a lot of “law” in the old testament. There is a lot of it that we don’t readily quote if we are honest. The covenant changed when Jesus came. I want to mama like Jesus, so that when this mama isn’t there, my kids know exactly who he is and where to find him.