Grace full mama

When I cook a meal, I carefully plan how it is going to taste. If I paint a room, I plan how it is going to look when it is painted. Anything that I create, I do with intention, with an idea of what I want the end product to look like. It might end up differing from my plans in the end, but that intention, even if it changes somewhat, is what makes things take shape as I do them.

Recently I have been thinking about who I am. I am very aware of the fact that we do not simply grow. If we aren’t intentional, we can become stagnant. We might fight with everything we have to go back in time and grasp at what is no longer ours. We might make the same mistakes over and over again. Without intention, we do not find freedom, deeper connection with Holy Spirit, and greater inner beauty. As I delve into the depths of what I hear from God, and who I want to become as my relationship with him develops and grows, I think about creating my growth with intention.

Who do I want to be? Well, I want to age gracefully. I want grace and love to flow from me like an invitation into spring. I want to be elegant instead of sexy, highlighting my femininity while saving the exact shape of my curves for my husband alone. I want to be deep. I want anyone around me to know that they can come to me and Holy Spirit will speak from my mouth, and they will experience the cool water that can only come from his well. I want to be confident. Self consciousness is only another word for self centred-ness, and I want to kill every particle of that in my life. I want the kind of confidence that draws others in and makes them feel safe, not the kind that comes across as pride.

I want time with my soul to feel the way chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven taste. I want to be loving and never judgemental. I want to be so wholesome that my sighs are filled with coffee and lavender, and my hugs smell like fresh bread. I would love for my home to feel like a place of peace and refuge for everyone… my children, anyone in need, anyone who needs an ear. I aspire to be quick to pray in any situation and for any individual.

I want to respect my husband, and love him in a way that he can feel. I want to challenge him in his faith, and encourage him as we walk together. I want to make sure I am always there when he needs me.

I hope to raise my children with intention as well. I see a lot of free range parenting out there. ” I must be doing something right because they’re doing ok,” is not the mantra I want to rule my parenting style. Above all else I want to show my children how to have a relationship with Jesus and their own access to his freedom and healing.

I have set my mind to work hard, to contribute and direct my family with confidence instead of chaos. I do not want to end my working days with hands that are perfectly manicured, but hands that have washed, cleaned, baked, held babies, been stuck deep into the dirt in a garden, pulled calves, butchered chickens, and been used for every task that has been asked of them. I want callouses and strength in these hands of mine.

Most of all, I long to know Jesus more and more deeply. As I build my communion with him I am left desperate for more. He is the water that my dry spirit longs for. He is the presence I want. Less of me, Lord, and more of you. I desire his infilling, his direction, his holiness. I want his friendship.

Who are you building yourself into? What are your particular giftings that God wants to shape and hone? What is your intention as you grow?