Grace full mama

“When will I find myself again? I feel like I have lost myself since having this baby.” I am on a few motherhood forums, and this question seems to pop up in one form or another at least daily. I see it everywhere, too. Even in church, in the nursery. Young moms who are rushing everything, annoyed by the fact that they need to sit the church service out in the nursery because of the little person demanding their time. I know when I was first a young mother, fourteen years ago, I felt much the same. “I want my body back, my freedom, my time. I want to feel like myself again!”

I think the biggest thing that would help us with this question ( and a multitude of other ones) would be fellowship with older women. I have a few precious ones who mentor me, and their insight and perspective are invaluable.

But here it is. I am not a “mama with seniority”by any means. But at 36, with teens and a baby, I am a whole lot more experienced than I once was. And I have good news and bad news for you. I’ll give you the bad news first. If you do this whole motherhood thing right, you will never get your old self back. Okay. Breathe deeply. Here’s the good news. If you do this whole motherhood thing right, you’ll never get your old self back.

“But we all, with unveiled faces, looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

Motherhood is a battleground. It is a game changer. It is an opportunity to grow. Growth always hurts a little bit. From growing pains as a teenager, to the changes that new motherhood brings, growth is never easy. But it is beautiful. It is an invitation to decide what is important to you. Are you going to embrace growth? Are you going to release control and trust God for what you can’t see, that is just above the horizon? Or are you going to fight and struggle and spend your energy trying to once again take hold of what you know, what you once had? You can’t do both. In fact, try as you might, you can’t do the latter either. You can struggle all you want to take hold of what you once had, but it will never be fully possible.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation: old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 cor. 5:17

Growth is hard because we struggle with control. We can’t control what we don’t know. We don’t know what is ahead or what God is shaping us into. We only know the path that we have already walked, and if that path was pretty good, we want to go back to it. But mamas, we have a good Father. He is moving us from glory to glory! It just gets better! We can give control to him. Give him the reins and grow into what we were always meant to be. You might never have those long uninterrupted times to do whatever you wanted, like you did prior to kids. Please don’t let the enemy capitalise on that and whisper in your ear thoughts of resentment or inadequacy.

The world around us bombards us with the idea that women of value are a size 4 with fake boobs, zero wrinkles, perfect hair, an attitude, and a lucrative career. The world tells us valuable women are not “tied down” by children. This is not what God says is valuable. And we need to make a concerted effort to listen to what He says instead of the message the world is sending us. We are not of the world, remember? We are called to be in it, but not of it. To come out and be separate. We are valuable because of the growth we are experiencing. We are valuable because we are in the kingdom of heaven and daughters of our incredible father in heaven. We will be more and more valuable as we are transformed from glory to glory into the image of Christ, as our hair turns grey and our wisdom turns to gold.

Each stage with your baby is going to go incredibly fast. I’m sure you have been told that by your mom or grandma already and brushed it off, but it is true. The days feel long right now, but the weeks, months, and years go fast. That newborn stage where baby doesn’t sleep is over in a couple months at the most. It is going to stay hard sometimes, but the hard is going to change, and you are strong. You are up for the challenge. You kids aren’t holding you back from the life you were meant to live. Raising them is the life you were meant to live. Raising them will always be the most valuable thing you have ever done. Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Psalm 127:3 Your kids aren’t a burden. They’re a reward.

So mamas, lets forsake the pursuit of what we once had. Throw your hands up like a child waiting to be swung around by their father and embrace what he has for you! Embrace growth. It’s going to be beautiful. You aren’t going to get your old self back, and that is a beautiful thing. Ask the father what he has next for you. He is a good father! It might be hard, but it is going to be so, so good. Savour the moments with your kids, because you’re going to blink and they will be grown up. Pray for and seek out godly older women to mentor you and give you advice and perspective when things are hard! Turn to our mighty councillor, Jesus, when you need help.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! Philippians 4:13